It’s true what they say that after the wedding, time will fly. And it has… insanely fast! The last year has been quite the whirlwind for James and I.From the wedding, to buying our home, to both of us switching jobs, and now just getting home from our honeymoon, and now just going back to normal. And I can say that through this, did we learn so many lessons not only about each other, but ourselves as well.
In the last 6 years of us being together, our love has evolved. Love evolves, and it is up to us to go with it’s flow. And sometimes, Love, just like life, isn’t what we imagine it to be. There will be darkness, and there will be light. It is our job to be the light the other needs to get past through difficulties and grow.
There is no such thing. Your instagram, facebook, etc. will make you think so. But no one else, other than those in the relationship, ever knows what it’s truly like. We all have our own issues that we deal with. If you cannot love your partner for who they are, then there is no deal.
Let’s face it. You cannot always get your way. In marriage, you are a team; and in a team we all know that we have to give and take. It’s just essential. But when you do so, never forget to check up on that person. Do you feel like you’re always the one giving? Communicate it (not in an attacking way.) And do so sooner. Don’t let it linger, as it will cause resentment in the future.
With working two jobs plus over time, while saving up for our home, we noticed that we were just passing each other by. Life was passing us by. There would be several days where we would literally only see each other for an hour or two, and then go about with our days at work. It took a toll on our relationship big time. This is when I realized that the money, after we had gotten the house, wasn’t worth it.
Time is the most precious gift you can provide one another. When people say you have all the time in the world, don’t listen. I mean who are we kidding? We don’t ever know how much time we have left!
So what was that you were planning to to go do, or see? Do it. NOW.
And not everything has to be so grand. We don’t always have to fly across the world, go sailing into the Mediterranean, or go to the most expensive restaurants to say that we’ve happily spent time with one another. Us being able to do those things are just extras. Finding happiness in the most mundane activities we do together (like just hanging out on the couch with our pup Henry, or ordering take out and playing board games) is what our love revolves around.
Alone time is absolutely important. Personal time allows us to be maintain our personal identities, to pursue our own interests, or simply just relax. An important note on this is that this needs to be communicated. Why? So that the other does not feel left out or insecure.
TIME WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY TOGETHER
Remembering to spend time with those around you whom have been there before, and during your relationship makes your relationship stronger. Just because you are married now doesn't mean all you can't go out and have fun with your loved ones. By doing this, you enable communication and new bonds created with your spouse and your loved ones. This will also allow you to see your spouse to see you in a new light (i.e. seeing James play with my little nephew reminds of the happy and patient man I saw in him in the first place)
FORGIVE QUICKLY, KISS SLOWLY
Cheesy line, I know. heh. But in all seriousness, it's true. Thinking about all the stupid fights we've had, there was always one thing that always made it last longer than it should have-- PRIDE. Pride is your biggest enemy.
Learn to apologize. Once you realize that it is not that hard to do so, life will be much easier; and the sooner, the better. It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture. Just a simple “Im sorry” with a kiss and hug is all it takes.
And if you are the one accepting the apology, do so graciously. No one wants to be bashed at when they’ve already swallowed their pride to apologize.
FORGET WHAT EVERYONE ELSE THINKS
This was probably the hardest one to get past, for me, as I have always seen myself as a people pleaser. But this has kind of been our motto from the beginning of our marriage. Many people will say things that you will probably not agree with. But hell, who’s living your life? YOU are. So unless you are stepping on other people’s toes, doing them wrong, then live how YOU want to live. It’s not a show that you need ratings for, is i? At the end of the day, it will only be you and your partner who will have each other’s back.
KNOW AND LOVE YOURSELF
It is also true what they say that the quality of relationship you can have is determined by the quality of relationship with yourself. Being able to love yourself first is key to being able to love another. If you think about it—how can you give if you have nothing to give?
This is important. We need to be able to understand ourselves—our own state, being, and needs as our actions towards others says a lot about own feelings towards ourselves.
James and I have plenty more to learn in the years to come. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Im not going to say that those years will be easy, as loving someone isn’t always easy. Every time we say those words “I love you,” it is a decision; a decision to love that person NO MATTER WHAT, now matter how difficult. But, no one wants to hear that part—that it can be difficult. But that is what we’re in for.
In any case, just as the saying goes “anything in life worth having is worth working for” It takes work, and its a process. A process with which its beauty is absolutely immeasurable :)
I hope that everyone experiences love like this at some point in their lives. A love where there are no conditions, love that endures all sorts of obstacles, love that just never stops… In short, a love that just shines through it all <3